Repentance
by gungnirburst
Summary: After three years, Cecil wants his friend to return from self-imposed isolation. Getting Kain back, however, proves to be easier said than done. [AR. Kain/Cecil.]


Title: Repentance

Author: keadeblue264

Pairing: Kain/Cecil

Summary: After three years, Cecil wants his friend to return from self-imposed isolation. Getting Kain back, however, proves to be easier said than done. AR. Kain/Cecil.

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy IV belongs to Square Enix. I make no monetary profit from this fiction. This written work is my own and may not be copied or reposted elsewhere and permission will not be given for either.

Warnings/Notes: slash, post-FFIV alternate reality.

Please enjoy.

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><p>~**Repentance**~<p>

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><p>The first year was the hardest by far. So much needed to be repaired, reestablished anew. Damaged property, ravaged land, kingdoms needing new monarchs, and loved ones lost; the struggle for peace had come with a heavy toll.<p>

Time seemed to pass by as slowly as an infant's first attempts at crawling, but soon the first year was over and the second came in as if ushered.

Process had been made, and everything else became much easier afterward. The world itself was settling back down into normalcy, even if there were still tasks to be taken care of and kingdoms to rule. Life continued on uninterrupted, and soon the third year descended upon the planet. It was the first year of true peace for people all over.

But a little after the end of the third year, Cecil decided he was tired of waiting.

The first year had taken his mind off it for the most part, embracing his new found role as king being at the forefront. Thoughts during the night had crept in during the second year, but were mostly few and far between. Now he would be lucky to go through a day without it crossing his mind.

Kain had been gone for too long, and his absence was beginning to make Cecil anxious. He only knew the location Kain had chosen to isolate himself in and was clueless in regard to why he had left. Any reason he could come up with was reduced to mere conjecture.

He thought he could at least try to talk Kain back into returning home. That in mind, he did not waste time in preparing and leaving for Mount Ordeals in an airship.

His kingdom could last a few days without him, and he hoped it would thrive all the better with his best friend by his side.

oOo

Cecil looked up at the imposing peaks with a mind filled by memories. Nostalgia seemed to be his new friend as of late.

Mount Ordeals. A glorified mountain of the undead yet perhaps the holiest place on the planet. It felt like Cecil had climbed these heights just yesterday, as stuck in the past as he was. Kain was trapped there, too, in his own way, no doubt because of actions beyond his control. They both needed to move forward, face the future and leave the past behind for good.

The mountain was just as he remembered, thankfully, and navigating up it seemed as natural as breathing. He didn't find Kain until he reached the very top, but nothing stopped the burst of joy that exploded in his chest upon seeing his friend for the first time in years.

It was odd to see Kain without his helmet. Not quite alarming, but strange enough to garner his notice. Everything else was the same, and Cecil once again felt as if he was in the past and not the present. He pushed it aside when Kain looked at him, vaguely acknowledging how tension settled over the dragoon like a cloak.

Before Cecil could form a word, Kain said, "What are you doing here."

Despite Kain's choice of getting, Cecil found himself feeling more comfortable for the first time in what felt like centuries, calmer now just by being in Kain's presence. "What's wrong?" he asked, unable to hold back the playful tone in his voice or the small smile that lifted his lips. "Can't I come visit a friend?"

Kain remained tense, and the smile fell from Cecil's face. Something was wrong.

He looked away from Cecil, an odd air coming over his body. "You should leave."

"Kain." Cecil stepped forward, hoping Kain would look at him, even if it was for just a moment. When he didn't, Cecil continued, "I wished to speak with you."

"I've nothing to discuss."

oOo

For the first time in all of known history, Mount Ordeals was divided. The holy peaks felt less like a mountain and more like a room with a line drawn straight through the middle.

Cecil was not pleased. Convincing Kain to return home had turned into something like a quarrel two children would have. Out of all the things he'd anticipated with such a venture in mind, Cecil hadn't thought that a bout of silence and a turned head would be one of them.

It wasn't like Kain didn't know he was still here. He was just ignoring him, even when Cecil crossed that invisible line to attempt to talk with his friend.

Conversation with Kain never seemed quite as one-sided before. Even when Kain had nothing to say, his silence always said something no matter how small the message was. Cecil could decipher nothing from the quiet tension Kain had whenever he was nearby. It was unnerving.

Once while watching Kain sit by himself, on edge and silent like the dead, a thought struck him and he voiced it. "Why won't you look at me?"

Kain said nothing.

oOo

"Would coming home really be so bad?" Cecil asked four days after arriving to Mount Ordeals.

As expected, Kain stayed silent with his eyes averted.

"You would be welcome, I know it." Cecil didn't like how he had become used to carrying a conversation on his own. After a pause, he asked tentatively, "Do you not feel alone out here?"

Kain's eyes never moved from looking off to the side, but he did say, "More than you know."

oOo

The way of battle was similar to this. Both based themselves as a test of wills and most times whoever would stand as the victor was unpredictable. And, while Cecil has his mind set on bringing his friend back to Baron, Kain was just as determined not to leave, among other things.

_He's such a stubborn man_, Cecil had thought to himself more than once since his arrival.

After six days, Cecil was beginning to think he was chasing after a lost cause.

oOo

"This would be easier if you looked at me."

Today was it. No more beating around the bush and avoiding the subject. If he couldn't get Kain to return to Baron today, Cecil was going to leave. As much as he wished he could stay longer, have more time to ease Kain into the idea that maybe he had no need to isolate himself as such, he had lingered for too long as it was. His kingdom needed him. He couldn't waste time anymore.

Being treated to silence hadn't helped much of anything, and he was determined to get Kain speaking.

The sky was dark, a fire burning in front of them with smoke rising up to disappear in the air. It reminded him of nights spent resting while fighting for their planet.

It took a moment, but Kain did look at him. He didn't quite meet Cecil's eyes, but it was better than nothing.

"I want to know why."

"Kain's voice was steady when he said, "Why what."

A short laugh escaped Cecil's mouth, but it wasn't out of humor. "I could answer that with many different things, honestly." His hands fidgeted in his lap. He was becoming anxious. "But I think one is more important than the rest."

"And which one would that be?"

Cecil took a breath, trying to stop himself from shuddering because of how he was feeling. "You left Baron to seclude yourself here. What was your reason for doing so?"

Kain stiffened noticeably, his eyes drifting away.

A frown was quick to curve Cecil's lips downward. "Don't do that. I want answers, Kain."

It took a long time, minutes seeming to stretch out for hours, but Kain finally did speak, the fire dancing shadows across his uncovered face.

"You wouldn't understand," he said quietly.

"I am willing to try." Cecil was the one to avert his eyes this time, glancing at the ground beneath them only for a moment before refocusing on Kain. "I won't shut you out."

There was another long pause before Kain spoke again. "Have you truly forgiven me for what I've done?"

A sigh wanted to leave his throat, but Cecil suppressed it, deeming it inappropriate. "We've been through this before, Kain. You had no real control of yourself. It wasn't your fault."

"But I betrayed you." It was a subtle thing, but the tone used was a pained one, as if just saying it aloud was too much for him to stand. "How can you forgive me so easily."

"You are my friend." Cecil rested a hand upon Kain's, trying to offer support, reassurance. "I would forgive you for anything."

Kain stared at him, the seconds ticking by. He finally shook his head. "Your choice isn't wise."

Cecil gathered his thoughts, trying to figure everything out as it came. "Surely this isn't just about that?" he asked, more hoping than questioning.

Another pause. "I want to be stronger."

Cecil squeezed the hand underneath his. "We can become stronger together. You don't have to do this alone."

He was met with silence.

"Kain, please." His tone turned imploring. "Don't make this difficult."

"I do not deserve your kindness, Cecil." His face turned sad for an instant, almost too quickly for Cecil to see. "You shouldn't try so hard for me."

"I miss my friend. I'm not ashamed to admit it." Uncertain, Cecil pressed forward. "Do you ever miss me?"

Kain's hand twitched, but Cecil only gripped it tighter in response, their skin warm from the fire.

Barely a whisper above the sound of crackling flames, Kain replied, "I do."

"Why is it so hard for you to come home then?"

Silence. This one was heavier than the rest, like it was being pressed down with lead.

"It hurts, you know," Cecil said lowly after a full two minutes had passed. Kain looked up at him, their eyes truly meeting for the first time in days, and he continued. "I can't even be certain if I'll see you again. Not knowing pains me. I feel as though I've done something wrong to make you like this but I don't know what it could be."

"No," Kain breathed out slowly. "You've done nothing wrong."

"I can't help feeling that I am the reason for your exile." Cecil swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. "Tell me, did I have some part in this?"

Of all the things he expected from him, of all the answers he was dreading or hoping for, being kissed by Kain hadn't been on the list. But Cecil closed his eyes and returned the sentiment nonetheless, if not just as desperately as Kain was giving it.

This was why he wanted Kain back. Cecil loved him, loved him so much he was unwilling to let Kain think of himself as unworthy and weak. He knew Kain was more than what he believed himself to be, knew just how strong the man was.

The fire flickered brightly as they kissed, and Cecil clutched unto Kain as if he had been lost for a long time and was newly found again. And they were both lost before now, stuck in a past that couldn't be changed. This kiss held so much more than just affection; it pushed time forward again and brought them out of the past.

They parted, their faces staying close as they looked at each other and breathed in the same air. Cecil was fighting the urge to tremble, his hand still gripping tightly at Kain's.

Kain shuddered out a breath and said, "I can't."

Cecil didn't have to ask what he meant.

oOo

Perhaps he had pushed too much, applied pressure too soon. He had been selfish. It was clear Kain wasn't ready to leave no matter what Cecil said or did.

It didn't stop him from wondering how long just one kiss could last him. A lifetime could pass between now and the next time he saw Kain, and he wasn't sure he could stay away for that long.

"You're leaving."

Cecil turned to see Kain standing behind him at Mount Ordeals' entrance.

"Yes." He repressed the sigh that wanted to rise up from somewhere buried down deep inside. He knew he would come to miss the mountain and the man living on it. "I am sorry. It was not my place to intrude."

"You've nothing to apologize for."

"I suppose you're right." He tried to laugh it off, but the sound lodged itself in his throat.

"...Cecil."

"Yes?"

Kain surprised Cecil by stepping forward to press a kiss against his lips, but he accepted it all the same. Upon parting, Kain said, "Thank you."

Cecil smiled at him, sad and happy at the same time. "I hope to see you again soon."

Moving away from Kain in that moment was one of the hardest things Cecil ever had to do in his life.

But, before boarding the airship, he said one last thing to Kain.

"Farewell, my friend."

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><p>Author's Notes: Please Review.<p> 


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